Expectations of Attractiveness
I recently saw the film Prometheus which heavily quotes a scene in the film Lawrence of Arabia. In the scene, Lawrence puts out a match with his fingers. The officer watching him follows suit and burns his fingers proclaiming that it hurts. Lawrence responds that of course it hurts. The officer then asks what the trick is.
The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.
This is actually a great quote when it comes to casual crossdressing as well. Because the reality is, you’re a human being who probably wants to be desirable to some group of people. Either the opposite gender, same gender or both. Perhaps you consider yourself asexual but you still desire approval. Everyone wants to feel beautiful.
The reality however is simple. The more you push the boundaries the less desirable you will become to most other people, even though in your eyes you feel more desirable. This realization can hurt. The trick, is not minding that it hurts.
To do that you have to realize the perspective most people are coming from. They’ve grown up their entire lives indoctrinated with the idea that men wear and do certain things and women wear and do other things. That each gender has its place and deviating from that is unnatural and undesirable. Even though that’s not really true. Often these aren’t just social norms but also religious norms. Whenever you go up against religion you have a huge uphill undying battle to fight where reason often takes a backseat to indoctrination.
Chances are very good none of us are going to win any battles over night, but possibly in our lifetimes. So the trick really is not minding. Take solace in the fact that you are not alone. That you are indeed attractive to other people, just a much smaller niche of other people than you might hope for. Some of those people you might pass by day to day who never tell you they like what you do or what you wear or how you present yourself, but they do.
It’s also important to keep fighting the good fight. One of the key ingredients is to normalize what you do and wear. When people are subjected to something over and over again that is non-threatening and non-harmful they begin to accept it over time. They may barely notice or say anything, but one day they’ll end up in a coversation related to crossdressing and they’ll remember you. Just by knowing or even seeing someone who is a casual crossdresser on a regular basis, that will be enough to lighten their mood about the subject. It’s no longer alien and strange to them, it’s become normal and acceptable in their life. Normal and acceptable is what we’re after. Then over time what is normal and acceptable will become more attractive to more people. Including you.
